Yes, I had a total meltdown at the bowling alley a few weeks ago. On social media, I posted nothing that day… which, I’m sure, led everyone to believe that all was well and nothing was askew. The reality was that – from the moment I woke up – the whole day was already wrong. I started the day angry. I’m not sure with what, perhaps it was stress or lack of sleep or that I was coming down with a cold my body was trying to fight off… no matter what it was, all I knew was that I was angry… annoyed… bothered.
Perhaps it was a bout of depression that was kicking in, as I tend to go through a depressed handful of days every few months. They’re the kind of days where I just feel “blah.” I feel bored with life. My brain starts telling me that this life is stupid and small. To be clear, it’s not a feeling of sadness. It’s different. It’s more than that. I know, logically, that I’m depressed… but man, it is hard to get through days like those, where I constantly have to correct my brain over and over.
Anyhow, it was that kind of day – I woke up angry, annoyed, and ready to fight. At one point, my husband and I took our kids to lunch and then to the bowling alley for a family playdate. It was there, at the bowling alley, where I just couldn’t take the day any longer. Everything that my children did or said made me feel more helpless… more angry… every sound, every sight was sensory overload to my brain… I literally felt like if I didn’t leave right then, I would totally freak out in a very public and embarrassing way.
I started to cry. Like the shoulder-shaking, little kid cry, where you can’t catch your breath… that kind of cry. My husband immediately hugged me and whispered, “Why don’t you head to the car and just be by yourself for a bit… away from all of this.” I grabbed my coat and purse, went to the car, and sobbed for what seemed like forever. Inside, my husband got the kids in their coats, returned their bowling shoes, and met me in the car. He then dropped me off at home, and he took the kids over to Grandma and Grandpa’s to play for a bit. I went to bed early that night, as I just couldn’t do any more for the day.
The next morning, I woke up and felt like a totally different, better person from the day before. And, my little family totally stepped up. My husband made me breakfast in bed. My 7-year old, Rome, asked me if I knew where his favorite place on Earth was, to which he responded letting me know that “You’re my favorite place to be, Mom.” And, my 4-year old, Stasia, asked me if I had cried yesterday because my “emotions were tired.” I said, “Yes, my emotions were just very, very tired and it was hard to keep control of them.” She then told me, “Mommy, I feel that way too sometimes. But, when I’m older, I hope I’m like you. You work very hard so we can be together.”
And just like that, all felt right with the world for a small moment. I feel very grateful for my little family. I feel like we get better each passing day at knowing each other’s quirks, strange things, and emotional/behavioral responses. It’s hard to find people (other than your original immediate family) who truly understand and accept those things about you. It makes me greatly appreciate my original immediate family and my current immediate family.
Owner of Boldly+Co.